I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
