I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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