Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
