I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
