you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
