I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
