So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
