never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize