in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
