oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
