May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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