Sry I called you an 8
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
