apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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