I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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