So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
