My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
