Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My bed smells like the plague
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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