i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
