I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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