its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
