life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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