you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
