you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have aggressive nipples.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
