I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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