sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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