my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
