I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
