i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
