did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
