I wannas sexs uuuuu
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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