Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
