At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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