what day is it and did you see me today?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
