I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
