ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
