Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
