Little spoons don't ask big questions
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
