I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
