i think my tv is drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found the puke drawer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
