Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
