ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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