I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
