i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
