Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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