I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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