Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
