Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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