You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize