youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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