So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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