are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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