Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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