Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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