i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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