i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
