your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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