remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
