3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
