I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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