you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
