Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I could make wine with my vomit
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
