take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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