I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
