My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
