Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
