My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
