So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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