OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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