He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
