Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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