she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
