I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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