even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize