I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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