I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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