Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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