Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
