the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
