And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
