What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
