help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
