So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize