how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
