I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
