The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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