We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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