Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
