Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
