So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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