I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
