I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
