Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
