I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
