So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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