Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
