can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize