Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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