WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
