Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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