I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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