Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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