Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
