She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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