go do what you do best...puke behind churches
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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