I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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