Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
