i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize