you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
