that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
