When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
