I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
