Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize