just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Someone came in the potted fern
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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