Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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